Facts about marriage

The first thought that hits the people (be it the relatives, or my friends mom) seeing me is marriage. Gosh I am already tired of hearing it repeatedly. So what I have turned 25! Does it mean there is a compulsion to get married NOW??

People drop by percolating the word and the “wise advice” on to dad’s ears. Consequently all jumping out of their skins to convince me. Ask them how many know what this word connotes?? Have you ever tried surveying people (lets consider married people to narrow down the sample) what is this marriage funda all about?? Why do people get married in the first place? Or better so why did THEY get married?? The chances are bright that they did because they fell in love with some “man of their dream!” (Or women) or some did that simply because they had nothing worthwhile to do, or let me put it blatantly just because they considered this as a certificate to have sex! And such people are found more often that not. The pros-cons and the nuances they realized (or are yet to realize) much later. They call it a Surprise package then!!!

When I prod deep, I found a whole new acumen to the small word and the vast institution of Marriage. It certainly starts with the concept of mating, with the backdrop of having a family. The home one thus makes, gives him the security and is the crowning glory of the long and arduous evolutionary struggle he engages himself in. The humans of older times did not possess a very rich social civilization, but such as they had they faithfully and effectively passed on to the next generation. And you should recognize that most of these civilizations of the past continued to evolve with a bare minimum of other institutional influences because the home was effectively functioning.
They major pull factor for a marriage was however the need to explore and get explored in a meaningful way, further mitigating the differences between the two and bringing both together. Notwithstanding the personality gulf between men and women, the sex urge is sufficient to insure their coming together for the reproduction of their species. This instinct operated effectively long before humans experienced much of what was later called love, devotion, and marital loyalty. Mating is an innate propensity, and marriage is its “social repercussion”. It owes its “Social Status” to the selfishness of man who disguised human gratification to a social tie up and garnished it with responsibility. Like it or not.

To add to the insult, as things started to evolve, the crude rituals stated to take sharp turns for the women. The assigned sex liberties to men and the women started to differ strategically. Since then, women have always been subject to more restrictive taboos than men. Although the early mores granted the same degree of sex liberty to unmarried women as to men, but it has always been required of wives that they be faithful to their husbands, regardless of what their husbands do. Although, primitive marriage did not much curtail man's sex liberties, it did render further taboos to the wives to-be.

But as its only change that refuses to change, things did not remain this way. Surprisingly, in olden days many practices, now regarded as immoral, were encouraged. Primitive wives not infrequently took great pride in their husbands' affairs with other women. Chastity in girls was a great hindrance to marriage; the bearing of a child before marriage greatly increased a girl's desirability as a wife since the man was sure of having a fertile companion.
Many primitive tribes sanctioned trial marriage until the woman conceived, when the regular marriage ceremony would be performed; among other groups the wedding was not celebrated until the first child was born. If a wife was barren, she had to be redeemed by her parents, and the marriage was annulled. The mores demanded that every pair have children.
Some other part of the world (not sure which) had a different nuptial paragon to base the “Social Event” on. Belief persisted that race mixture improved the quality of the offspring. It was not that inbreeding was always bad, but that out breeding was always comparatively better; therefore the mores tended to emphasize in the restriction of sex relations among near relatives. The first move away from brother and sister marriages however came about under the plural-wife mores because the sister-wife would arrogantly dominate the other wife or wives. Some tribal mores forbade marriage to a dead brother's widow but required the living brother to beget children for his departed brother. There is no biologic instinct against any degree of in-marriage; such restrictions are wholly a matter of taboo. Out-marriage finally dominated because it was favored by the man; to get a wife from the outside insured greater freedom from in-laws. Familiarity breeds contempt; so, as the element of individual choice began to dominate mating, it became the custom to choose partners from outside the tribe.
Have we ever stopped to think why are animals ousted from the so-called “Social Institution” if it were so indispensable for a happy existence? Why do they not need to obtain the nuptial agreement before they set to mate?? They too mate and mind you, without marriage. But if it’s only the question of companionship, mom and dad, I am ready!


Charu Kaushal