Not my fault

I keep searching myself

for the sin you could perceive—
but all I see is a woman cast aside
without knowing why she had to be.

And that is the betrayal—
not that you left to choose another world,
but you left me carrying
a guilt that was never mine to hold.

Somehow, I became a convenient name
for everything that went wrong

I saw no mercy, nor the final embrace ---

Just given a shattered heart

to carry on for long.

I did not answer the affronts directed at me,
I swallowed my pride and let them be.
Because throwing dirt was never my way—
beneath the looming silence, I decide to walk away.

I now wonder if I should apologize

For existing, for caring
and loving you too much,
Or should I grudge the silence in which we fought
Before being discarded without a second thought.

No, I did not ruin this.
No, I was not fraught.
No, I did not deserve this.
No, all of this was not my fault.

Yes, I thought about it again and again—

It was not my fault.

It was not my fault.

 

Charu